I loathe this very situation

No more I want to change from the girl I used to be

It’s not me,,

I am lost somewhere in the crowd

Lost in this grumpier world

This filthy world of hatred and provoking outrage…

Damn, blind I have become

Beholding the bitter truth and admiring this cruel world I am..

But I tell to myself, that everything is not going to be okay

That there is no reason for all these pain that I  now am suffering from

The time it took to change, the time it took to see all these mistakes

The life I had, I can’t have it back

The choices I made of course affected me in all those ways.

The mistakes I committed have not been forgotten

But have been recorded somewhere…

The tears I shed, the sounds I made

 The feelings that left me feeling in a different way

Yet I can’t see why these tears feel so unreal

I am not the same, my words are unsaid

What I hide is buried deep inside within me…

It hurts so much to know that I‘ll never be the girl that I used to be

The one that would always laugh

The one that you knew would always be strong

The feeling is real, the truth is sealed

I cry in the dark cause I know I cut too deep...

The harder I try to get rid out of this rotten world, the weaker I become

It's dragging me and making my life more melancholic!!

V for Vendatta

Forcing its people to live in the mind's black room
Cleansing itself by innocents' blood vale
And Piling up its blackened shames
This government has won world's power and superiority.

Creating the world's worst and dangerous things
have threatened all its well beings
chemical and biological weapons , supersonic  warships and A-K 47
Have put question mark on the existence of human race..


And because of intolerable government's bullshit
on the November of 5th
A new enigmatic creature was born
It named itself  "V" with its strength and wisdom,,,


His face covered up in  a mask
He is here to frighten this world with his dreadful task
His invincible force definitely will glorify him
And people are unanimous in his deeds against the system, it seems...

He is just a reflection of the past history
Where he stood as a pathetic mystery,
Tortured by government's horrendous acts
He is just a seed sown by this system, and this is a fact..

His mental agony now is turned into such a strength
the buildings torn apart and houses burnt show his revenge
His silence now has brought such a havoc
To the same system now everyone fearlessly mocks...

He is neither a swank nor a psychophant
Unlike the government which is in-genuine and arrogant
He is sacred by his thoughts and is free
Like the government that has heartlessly chopped down the gunpowder's tree.

But he is a gutsy fighter
fighting against this government and system
Not scared of the almighty
for his deeds in creating the new world
full of peace and hopes!!!!!

A rusty sword I am
By the world ignored I am
The dragon's board I am
I am an animal fierce and free
In the world is none like me
Crooked I am, a nightmare child
Fed on hunger, running wild
No love and coddles for this thirsty boy
Live without hope, laugh without joy.
But if you dare to pity me
I'll shit in you shoe and piss in your tea.
I am an animal fierce and free
Pure in heart I will never be
But not this way shall my life end,
This fire itself shall be my friend...

(From the book Animal people)

Life

I have never felt this way before
this hard and nervous
as incredibly my brain's out of words
summoning for someone's help I am not sure of
driving myself to and fro with this
wind so swift and grandiosing
thinking of past
as some moments were so thrilling
and some en-captured within pitched black dreariness
in which now i'm losing myself
in this restlessness of mind
and with this tiring physique
where am I to lead my life?
no such enlightening place in memorandum
to merchandise this worm eaten skull of passiveness
I surely was born to become a titan
weary of this thought now I am in torment's ocean.
A malice soloist of no vice or virtue
Wrecked, torn and disheartened with
series of misfortunes.
strangling between half death and half life
what I can only think of is all those afflictions
that I have always faced with big smile on face
Despite the disgusts, hindrances and mountain of problems
But when my sprouting dreams, they got shattered
the charm and charisma , i used to have
they started fading with daylights
and top of that,
when my thoughts and feelings , they got molested
by the cheap and wicked fallacies
i was rather helpless and back stabbed
that I have no strength to get upon my knees and fight again
for my salvation, solidarity and redeemption.

To Whom I Admire

If I were a superman
If I could reach the stars
I would pull them down for you
If I could reach the moon
shine it on your heart
So you could see the heart
So you could see the trues
So you could walk easily in the dark
So you could smile like roses when the first sun's falls on it

So you could lead me to the world full of happiness and wonders.

If I were a poet

If I knew all the best words

I would write a poem that best describes you,

So you could know how important you are

So you could know how you have shaped my life

how very you have influenced me,

how you have inflicted me with your inspiration and words.

If I were a sailor

If I could set my Xebec to reach to you

i would definitely come to you

No matter the circumstances and troubles on the path

no matter the huge icy rocks, no matter my poor condition

I am obliged to you from bottom of my heart.

And it's really  very sad,

very sad that in reality that I can't do all such things

neither I am a superman nor I am blessed with divinity

I can't come to you 

I can't bring that fresh enigmatic smile on your face..

But what I can do is think about you

keep falling more for you

and keep deeply admiring for you.......